then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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