I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
