i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
