i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
