if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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