two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize