It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I color on your dick again?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
