Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
