yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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