Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
