dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
