I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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