Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
