TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
