question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
