How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
