i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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