Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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