I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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