i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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