Can i not drive my cunt home
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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