I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just pee around me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the liver wants what the liver wants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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