Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
