she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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