I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
