my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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