My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
