Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
