it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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