He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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