it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
