So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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