someone threw a dead crab at me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
