Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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