I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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