Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
