I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize