apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So vagazzling was a success
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
