Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
