I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
