if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
