sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
