the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
