I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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