he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
two words...techno handjob
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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