He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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