she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
