I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
