How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
