i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
