Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize