So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In America we eat man semen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
