i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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