I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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