So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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