The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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