i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish i was in the wii world.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize