I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
