Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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