And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
