This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
