In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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