What a fucking waste of an outfit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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