Got a toothbrush?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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