I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
