my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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