Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
