shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found the puke drawer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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