how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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