I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
