A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
