Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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