trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish my penis had a tongue
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
try to milk me bitch
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