I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize