party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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