How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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