i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
