Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
handjob tips. give me some.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
