He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
