no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
