I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
