My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize