I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
