Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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