There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
