he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
