if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
