all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
