I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Randomize
