Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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