I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
