So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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