Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
