I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
