So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
