it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
