apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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