I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
