I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We just shotgunned beers for America
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
