no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize