i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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